The Hanky Code is one of the most colorful and clever chapters of LGBTQ+ history. Emerging in the 1970s, this inventive system of communication allowed queer people to discreetly express their preferences and connect with others in a world where being openly gay wasn’t always safe. 🏳️‍🌈 It was more than just a fashion statement—it was a tool for survival, a way to build community, and a celebration of individuality and pride. 💪✨

The hanky code worked like this: a colored bandana tucked into a back pocket sent a silent message to those who understood the code. 👖 Each color signaled a specific interest or identity. Placement mattered too—worn in the left pocket, it meant you were taking the lead (commonly referred to as a “top”), while the right pocket indicated you were more open to following (known as a “bottom”). 😉 For example, dark blue signified an interest in anal sex, black represented BDSM, and yellow… well, let’s say it’s not about the color of the sun. 🌞

What started as a simple code quickly expanded as the LGBTQ+ community embraced it. 🏳️‍🌈 Light blue came to represent oral sex 💋, pink stood for toy play 🍆, and green signified an openness to transactional relationships 💵. As the list of colors grew, so did the community’s creativity and humor. The hanky code wasn’t just practical—it was an art form, a way to express personality and individuality in a time when open conversations about sexuality weren’t possible.

The origins of the hanky code are debated, but it’s often credited to the gay leather scene of the 1970s in San Francisco and New York. 🕺 It’s thought to have emerged as a way to avoid miscommunication in loud bars or clubs and quickly became a staple of queer culture.

Though not as widely used today, the hanky code has left an enduring legacy. 🏳️‍🌈 It’s a symbol of resilience, resourcefulness, and the creativity of the LGBTQ+ community. In recent years, it has experienced a resurgence in fashion and pop culture as a nostalgic nod to queer history. Shirts, pins, and other apparel inspired by the code have become popular conversation starters, reminding us of this vibrant piece of the past. 🌟

Speaking of conversation starters, check out our Holiday 2024 Pride Shirt 🎄👕, inspired by the spirit of the hanky code. It’s a bold and stylish way to celebrate LGBTQ+ history and share pride with the world. 🌎 Whether you’re heading to a holiday party 🎉 or brunch with friends 🥂, it’s the perfect gift for yourself or someone special. Grab yours today and keep the legacy alive! 🎁✨

The hanky code reminds us that even in challenging times, people will find ways to connect, thrive, and express their true selves. ❤️ It’s a testament to the strength of the LGBTQ+ community and a vibrant piece of history that deserves to be celebrated and remembered. 🌈

Autumn is here—the season of crisp air, golden leaves, and sweaters that make us all look fabulous. Max and I wanted some great, affordable fall date ideas, so we got to brainstorming. Fall has endless opportunities for adventure. Here are three fun ideas to make the most of the season, with a dash of gay magic to spice things up!

1. Campfire Cooking Date (With S'mores, Of obviously!)

Cooking over a campfire is equal parts rustic charm and pure magic. Imagine this: you and your friend (or date) find a quiet spot, set up a cozy fire, and get to work on a simple but oh-so-satisfying campfire meal. Start with the essentials—s'mores are non—negotiable—but feel free to level it up with roasted veggies or anything else you can throw on the fire. My dad taught me one of my favorite camping recipes, which is great for a fall campfire meal. You just get some aluminum foil and put vegetables inside with salt, pepper, and a little olive oil. Crimp the bag closed in all directions and then bury it in the coals. Pull it out in 2-3 hours for the best veggies you've ever had.

Quick tip: bring a fire log to make starting the fire a breeze! I learned this the hard way, struggling in the windy fall air—trust me, this little hack will save you some serious hassle. With the flicker of flames and the smell of wood smoke, you're guaranteed a cozy fall memory. Just remember to bring blankets—and maybe a portable speaker for some background tunes (think Stevie Nicks meets Brandi Carlile vibes).

2. Pumpkin Patch Excursion

You're never too old for a pumpkin patch. Head to your nearest patch or apple orchard for a classic fall date or friend outing that's guaranteed to put you in the autumn spirit. Wander through rows of bright orange pumpkins, pick out the quirkiest one you can find, and take a few silly photos along the way. Many pumpkin patches have corn mazes, hayrides, or mini farmers markets, making it the perfect mix of outdoor fun and fall vibes.

If you're lucky enough to end up in an apple orchard, bring some apples home for a baking session later. Apple crisp, caramelized apples, or just apples with peanut butter—nothing says fall quite like a kitchen filled with autumn treats. (sidenote: caramel apples are surprisingly easy, but that's for another blog post!) The best part? No reservations or dress code is required; just bring a healthy dose of enthusiasm (and maybe a scarf for dramatic effect).

3. Star Picnic Night

As the nights grow longer, fall is the perfect time for a stargazing picnic. Pack some blankets, bring a thermos of something warm, and find a quiet spot away from city lights. Lay back, relax, and let the night sky put on a show. Stargazing is the ultimate way to have one of those deep, meandering conversations that only seem to happen at night.

No astronomy degree is needed here! Whether you're pointing out constellations or making up your own (they won't know lol) the night sky has a way of putting things in perspective. If you're with a date, it's pure romance; if you're with a friend, it's the perfect backdrop for laughs and low-key super-homo bonding. Either way, under the stars, is exactly where you'll want to be.

Fall is all about cozy connections, whether with a partner, a friend, or even just enjoying a day by yourself. So grab a buddy, even if it's your trusty Pug Max, pick an adventure, and embrace the season's charm. Whether you're around a campfire, lost in a pumpkin patch, or stargazing on a blanket, fall has something magical waiting for everyone.

Answer the call, make some memories, and remember your sense of humor, as well as the Adidas official Gay Campgrounds sweatshirt, of course. It's so soft—it feels like magic! Max the pug loves to cuddle up on me while I wear it. Click the button below to receive a 20% discount added to your order automatically! This is a special thank you just for my blog readers to keep you toasty on your star picnic. (promo code - BLOGREADERS20 )

As the leaves turn fabulous shades of gold and the air gets as crisp as a pair of new kicks, you might wonder where to flutter next after the campground gates close. No need to hibernate just yet! Here’s how to keep your social life blooming with activities that are perfect for sweater weather.

Stroll the Scenic Route

Who says you need a parade to strut your stuff? Grab a pumpkin spice latte and hit the local LGBTQ+ walking tours. It’s a great way to soak in the autumn colors while gabbing about the local gay lore of your city’s most haunted (and sassiest) spots. You never know who might ‘fall’ into step beside you!

Get Sporty with a Dash of Spice

If you’re more about team goals than solo strolls, why not join a gay sports league? Whether it’s flag football, ultimate frisbee, or getting down and dirty in mud-soaked rugby, fall is the perfect season to show off your athletic prowess (or at least your new athletic gear). And let’s face it, a little mud never hurt anyone!

Dance Under the Harvest Moon

Twirl your partner round and round at a local dance class. From tango to two-step, these queer dance events are perfect for those who like to move and groove. As the evenings draw in, why take the chance to get a little closer under the dim lights of the dance hall? At a recent event, I even met gay line dancers, so the possibilities are really endless.

Seasonal Sips and Gossip Tips

No need to wait for the bars to get hopping when you can host a cocktail crafting night. Invite your friends over for an evening where you can shake up some autumn-inspired cocktails. Think apple cinnamon martinis or pumpkin old-fashioned. It’s a fabulous way to learn a new skill, share some juicy stories, and sip your creations under a cozy blanket.

Keep the Glow Going

Don’t let the shorter days dim your social spark. Bundle up, step out, or log on—there are endless ways to make this autumn memorable. From leaf-peeping picnics to bonfire nights complete with ghost stories and handsome apparitions, let this fall be filled with warmth and laughter. After all, who needs the light when you’ve got that much sparkle in your life?

Vulnerability and the One That Got Away: My Retreat Misstep

At a recent Recovery retreat, I found myself in a “level 10” uncomfortable situation. You know, the kind that makes you want to bolt. So, I did. I left, telling myself it was just too painful. But I knew I'd messed up as soon as I walked out. Not only did I bail on an opportunity to push through, but I also forfeited a chance to connect with this insanely attractive blue-collar guy across the room—broad shoulders, rugged grin, the whole package. 🧑‍🔧 Still kicking myself for that one.

The Price of Walking Away

Leaving didn’t just mean escaping discomfort—it meant missing out on the relief from sticking it out. Vulnerability is like a job; every time I lean into it, there’s this weird sense of pride afterward. But this time? I walked out, and instead of relief, I got regret. It’s frustrating, especially knowing that when I stick around, it feels like I survived and I’m stronger for it.

A Work in Progress

My therapist, Yub Kim, encourages me to lean into vulnerability every week. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t. Vulnerability isn’t just about sharing—it’s about showing up, even when it feels impossible. And yeah, I’m a work in progress. But next time, I will remember that the relief on the other side is worth the pain. Who knows? Maybe there’ll even be another ruggedly handsome guy giving me a second chance. 😏

It all started on a typical coffee run with Max, my pug. As usual, he was stealing the show, and a guy—friendly bear cub vibes—complimented him. That led to a fun conversation about coffee, sci-fi, and life. I wasn’t expecting to connect with a younger guy. Still, something about his easygoing nature made me forget my “no younger guys” rule.

What struck me most was how easily the conversation flowed. We talked about our favorite TV shows, shared some laughs, and swapped stories about our lives. There was no pressure, just a light, genuine connection that felt refreshing. By the time we said goodbye, I looked forward to seeing him again—something I hadn’t expected.

After a few days of texting, I invited him over to hang out. We ended up watching a sci-fi show with Max curled up beside us. The simplicity of the moment—no expectations, just two people enjoying each other’s company—made me realize that sometimes, life throws you curveballs. At the end of the day, what matters most are the connections we make. Sometimes, they catch you completely off guard, but that’s the fun part, right? So here’s to letting life surprise you, embracing the unexpected, and staying open to whatever comes next.

EMbracing the Mic: My First Ever Appearance on the Probably True UK Podcast

Hey Adventurers! 🌟

I’ve got some exciting news to share—Max and I recently made our debut on the Probably True UK Podcast! 🎙️✨ If you’ve ever wondered what happens when a quiet guy behind the scenes steps into the spotlight, this is your chance to find out.

Facing My First Podcast Interview 😅🎧

Let me be real with you—I was terrified. This was my first time being interviewed on a podcast, and the nerves were real. Imagine trying to keep your cool while talking about some of the wildest and most hilarious experiences from my camping adventures. Usually, I’m the one capturing the moments, not sharing them out loud. But sometimes, you justhave to take a leap of faith, right?

A Hilarious Encounter in the Woods 🦌🐾

During our hour-long chat, River and I dove into some pretty mind-boggling stories. One of the highlights? My unforgettable leather weekend where I found myself flanked and surrounded by a pack of adorable pups. 🐶❤️ It was all fun and games until a curious deer decided to join the party, leading to an impromptu dance-off! Picture this: me, trying to keep up with my furry friends, and a deer showing off some serious legwork. 🕺🦌 The recounts are a bit hazy, but honestly, I’m betting on the deer—it definitely had the moves! 😂✨

Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone 🌈🔥

With the release of my second book, Gay Campgrounds, things have taken a turn for the adventurous. I’m now stepping into the media spotlight, something that’s a bit out of my usual comfort zone. Typically, I’m the quiet one behind the camera, not the face in front of it. But thanks to River’s kind, warm, and good-natured smile, along with his cozy London studio, I felt instantly at ease. His welcoming vibe turned my jitters into genuine excitement, making the whole experience enjoyable and unforgettable. 😊🌟

What’s New in Version 2.0? 📚✨

Version 2.0 of Gay Campgrounds is now live on all Kindle editions by default, and existing purchasers can snag the free update by flipping on book updates within the Kindle app. Due to overwhelming demand, this version features an entirely new chapter dedicated to the hilarious history of gay camping. From disco-era dance-offs with turntables in the wilderness to unexpected wildlife encounters, this chapter is packed with stories that will have you laughing, reminiscing, and maybe even blushing a little. 🕺🌲🔥

Why This Matters 💬💖

Being on the Probably True UK podcast was more than just a media appearance—it was a moment of vulnerability and connection. It reminded me that insecurity is something we all face, whether we’re decked out in camping gear or dressed to the nines. The key is to keep your head up, keep moving forward, and trust that everything meant to happen will. 🌟💪

Stay Tuned! 📅🔗

The podcast episode will be out shortly, and I can’t wait to share the link with all of you. Expect plenty of laughs, heartfelt moments, and maybe a few surprises along the way. 😉

Keep on Adventuring! 🏕️❤️

Thank you for being part of this incredible journey. Whether you’re seeking connection, adventure, or just a good story, I invite you to explore life beyond the screen and discover the magic of gay campgrounds with me and my trusty pug, Max. 🐾✨

Upton and Max

Stay connected and follow our adventures on Gay Men’s Field Guide and Probably True Podcast. Your support means the world! 🌈🌍

Click here to add text.

Let’s be honest—open relationships get a bad rap sometimes, especially in the gay community. People are quick to throw shade, but they can be amazing if done right! I learned the hard (but fun) way about eight years ago with my then-boyfriend, Ryan.

At first, I wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea. I mean, letting my hot boyfriend wander off with other guys? It sounded like a recipe for disaster… or at least some severe jealousy. My biggest fear was that he’d end up emotionally connecting with someone else, and I’d be left in the dust while he played house with some random dude. But surprise, surprise—it was actually the opposite!

You see, Ryan had a sex drive that could power a small city. Meanwhile, I was more like, “Can we cuddle and watch Netflix?” Giving him the freedom to do his thing took a TON of pressure off me. Instead of constantly worrying about keeping up with his… stamina, I could relax. The best part? The open relationship actually spiced things up. Something about knowing Ryan was out there with other men was a huge turn-on for me. I know, wild, right? 😏

We started exploring on our own and together. Sometimes, we’d tag-team a fun night out (if you know what I mean 💁‍♂️), and other times, we’d do our own thing. But no matter what, it was always the same at the end of the night: we fell asleep in each other’s arms. The love, the intimacy—that was all mine. And knowing that made everything feel even more special. Ryan could have his fun, but the emotional connection? That was our thing, and no one could touch it.

What surprised me was how much it took the stress off our relationship. Ryan could be his cock greedy self, and I didn’t have to feel guilty for not being able to keep up. Instead, we communicated more openly than ever. Who knew discussing who your partner was hooking up with would build trust? 😂 But it worked! We got closer, and our relationship got more robust.

Look, I get it—open relationships aren’t for everyone. But if you’re thinking about trying it, don’t freak out. It might take some of the pressure off your plate (and off your… you know 😏). It brought us closer together, helped me feel less stressed, and, honestly, it was a hell of a lot of fun.

So, if you're curious about open relationships, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it! It might just surprise you.

What are your thoughts on open relationships? Tell us below! Let Max and I know! 🐾 We’re all ears (and paws)! 😄✌️ 

I’ve just embarked on this incredible journey of connecting with the gay community. I’m thrilled to report that I can finally bridge connections between people. The funny thing about networking is that you start with a few friends in this circle and a few in that one. Before you know it, those circles begin to overlap like a Venn diagram at Pride.

Recently, I was unexpectedly invited to a bodybuilding competition. It dawned on me that a guy I met while working on my upcoming book, “Gay Campgrounds,” due out this October, mentioned his interest in these events. I introduced the two, and it was like fate decided to play matchmaker. Connections are like dragons—they always come full circle (and occasionally breathe fire into your social life).

On another note, I’m not looking to offend anyone. Still, due to overwhelming reader requests, I’ve launched an adults-only Kindle Vella short story series you can subscribe to. Think of it like OnlyFans for bookworms! The series is called “Side Adventures,” and it’s available here: Kindle Vella.

It’s incredible how mutual friends naturally start to blend, creating a rich tapestry of relationships. So here’s to making more connections, bridging more circles, and maybe adopting more pugs. Because let’s be honest, who needs hair when you have Max?

I arrived early at the quiet studio on the west side of Cleveland, the first one there. Feeling confident—and maybe a little too eager—I stripped off my clothes right away, ready to dive into the nude yoga experience 😏. The instructor, a muscular bear with a calm and grounded presence 🐻, introduced himself. As we exchanged a few words, I couldn’t help but feel at ease, even though I was standing completely nude in front of a stranger. No big deal, right? Just another Thursday at a men’s yoga class.

James and I had driven to the class together, both nervous for our own reasons 😬. I knew James from the LGBTQ+ recovery program, and it was only his second nude event, so there was a certain safety in numbers. Plus, he’s been with his partner for 25 years, so he’s not exactly checking out the competition 👀. James had this calm, infectious energy, and a face that could launch a thousand Grindr taps—something I might’ve been a bit envious of. But knowing I had my LGBTQ+ community backing me made the experience feel more manageable.

Soon, the room began to fill with about thirteen men. One by one, they stripped down too. All of us bare and exposed, but instead of awkwardness, there was this liberating vibe. Like, “Hey, we're all in this together. Let’s see who survives this gay fitness community event.” 💪

I expected a nice, relaxing yoga session after work—maybe a bit of deep breathing and a stretch or two—but nope. Turns out I signed up for the yoga boot camp version 😅. The instructor led us through poses like Tree Pose and Scorpion 🧘, and I could practically feel muscles I forgot I had. The room got hotter, and sweat started pouring down my abs like I was auditioning for the cover of a men’s health mag 💦. I wasn’t alone, though. As I glanced around, everyone was equally drenched. At one point, we did something called “wave breath,” and while everyone else nailed it, I sounded like a zombie on his morning coffee run ☕. A little comic relief never hurt.

The instructor was very hands-on 😏. He came by and pushed me deeper into stretches—nothing like a strong bear pushing your boundaries, right? It helped me feel more connected to the practice, and, let’s be honest, getting a little attention didn’t hurt the motivation. Mindfulness in the gay community was clearly part of this.

Then, right on cue, *Hot to Go* came on the playlist 🎶. I couldn’t help but smirk. Here we were, a group of sweaty men, flexing and grunting in unison. If someone had walked in, they might’ve thought they’d stumbled onto a calendar shoot for *Men of Yoga* 🏋️‍♂️. Testosterone was definitely in the air, with palpable masculine energy 😏.

Though I hadn’t done yoga in years and my flexibility wasn’t exactly winning awards, I noticed I wasn’t alone in the struggle. Lucky, an older gentleman, sat quietly through the tougher parts, and that made me feel a bit better about my own performance. The naked part surprisingly helped. No one was judging, and we were all just there, connected in a weird, sweaty, wonderful way 🌈.

As the class wrapped up, we got to the cool-down, and the instructor came around with lavender lotion—scalp massages for everyone 👀. I mean, you could’ve charged extra for that. The scent, the soothing touch, it was a perfect way to end the hour.

Afterward, I chatted with a few of the guys. One of them, a young guy from Bay Village training for a marathon, was definitely vibing with me. Let’s just say he had a *reaction* you don’t typically see in gay men's wellness classes 😏💦, and when I hugged him goodbye, there was some extra electricity ⚡. We exchanged numbers—because, you know, “namaste” and all that.

Then I walked over to Mike, who’d seemed oddly familiar during class. Turns out, he was my neighbor from 12 years ago. He knew me back when I was in active addiction, and he joked to the instructor about how I’d disappeared. I’m all about making amends, so I immediately apologized, explained I’d been sober for nine years, and said I’d love to get to know him again. To my surprise, he forgave me right away. That’s the thing about honesty—it’s so rare that when you give it, people respect you for it. We swapped numbers and made plans for coffee ☕. Funny enough, this wasn’t the first time I’d run into an old neighbor in a completely random setting. It happened when I was writing *Urban Adventures*, available on the Amazon bookstore. The odds of it happening twice were almost cosmic. The universe was definitely pointing at something 🌌

.

Before leaving, the instructor mentioned he was heading to Freedom Valley, the gay campground closest to Cleveland, this weekend for Leather Weekend 🏕️. I couldn’t help but smile. Freedom Valley is where I did extensive research for my upcoming book, *Gay Men’s Field Guide: Gay Campground Adventures*, and something tells me the instructor might have more than one outfit for that occasion 😉. He’s got a partner, but hey, it’s Freedom Valley. You never know what might happen during one of those LGBTQ+ campground events 😈.

As James and I walked out together, I couldn’t help but smile, thinking about all the friends I’d made in that sweaty studio. Some of the connections were made that night, and some were 12 years in the making. I went there to connect with other gay men, and that’s exactly what happened 🌈👬.

Upton Here,

This past Sunday, I found myself at a nude game day with my friend Eyeton. Yep, nude! Bundled up in two layers (thanks to the cold), I walked into Jon’s house, where the heat was cranked up, and before long, my bare pecs and 🍑 were loving it. Trust me, that wasn’t the only thing heating up.

We started with Villagers vs. Werewolves, a card game where strategy is everything—if you’re not too distracted by everyone’s, uh, assets. With 10-15 guys around, it was hard not to appreciate the full ‘view’ 😏. The villagers fought bravely, but let’s just say, it wasn’t just werewolves rising to the occasion 🐺.

After the game, the clothes stayed off, and so did the filters. I had a great chat with a microbiology researcher (because nothing says sexy like science 🔬), and then a conversation with a gorgeous straight guy in his 20s, built like a Greek god. He shared how his girlfriend in New York was totally cool with him joining gay nude events—gotta respect that kind of honesty and confidence. And did I mention his body? Yeah, you could eat off it 😍.

As we all stood around talking, the energy got a little… frisky. 🍆 Playful touches here and there started turning into a bit more, and, well, let’s just say my own muscles started waking up 💪. But before things got too X-rated for a Sunday, I caught Eitan’s eye and decided it was time to head out.

Of course prior to going I chatted with Yub Kim—my Korean sex therapist (and ultimate fantasy)—about how liberating it is to ditch clothes in a group. And honestly? He’s right. Clothes are just social constructs, and sometimes, the best way to connect is to leave them behind.

So would I do it again? Absolutely. Nothing like a Sunday of naked fun and some unforgettable connections. 😉

P.S. Before you go, I’ve got a little something extra for you. My pug Max, who’s basically the king of my life, picked out his Halloween costume today 🎃. Spoiler alert: it’s adorable. Check out the video below and see Max in all his spooky glory. 👻🐾

So, you’ve found your way to the Gay Men’s Field Guide Blog. And let me tell you, it’s a wild ride from here on out. I’m Upton Rand, your not-so-humble guide to Cleveland’s most ridiculous, hilarious, and sometimes heartfelt urban adventures. If you’re here for tips on making real-life LGBTQ+ connections, avoiding the toxicity of Grindr, and maybe even finding a cute coffee spot where the barista spells your name right—well, you’ve come to the right place. ☕✨

Here’s the deal: My life is full of unexpected run-ins and outrageous connections. I’ve had conversations with people in the strangest places—elevators, laundromats, and once at a taco truck while I was definitely not underdressed for the weather (we’ll save that story for another day). 🌮❄️ This blog is where I’ll be spilling all the juicy details of making real-world connections in this wild, wonderful city we call Cleveland. 😎🏙️

Stay tuned for the first full post soon. In the meantime, try making eye contact with someone on the bus. 🚌 It’s scary, but I believe in you. 💪

Stay bold,

Upton Rand 🏳️‍🌈